We met back in September of 2000 at a Flying J truck stop in Oklahoma. He was there with a few of his brothers and sisters and he immediately caught my attention. There were a few people standing around at the side of the gas station and I could hear the faint whimpering of puppies, I knew that sound anywhere. I practically bolted around to see what was going on and then I saw my future. It rested in the newly opened eyes of a mutt. He was beautiful! Those fresh baby blues captured my heart and I knew I would bring him home with me. I had recently been through a lot, with the death of 2 babies in a year and I really wanted to mother something. The miscarriages had turned my life upside down and my hope was that a new project would make it all upright again.
That's how it all started, the beginning of me ruining this poor little mutt. I named him Bowser, after my favorite video game as a child. We did the potty training thing, we did it all. He went with me everywhere and our habit became McDonald's drive thru's and pictures with Santa. I realized what a mess I created when I took him to the vet and they told me that I should put him to sleep because I had ruined him and he thought he was human. I said that I would do no such thing! They prescribed him puppy Prozac and I had to have Dramamine on hand in case I ever had to leave him alone. He had terrible separation anxiety so I would give him a Dramamine and then take one myself in anticipation of what I would find at home when I would return. One day I came home and he had eaten most of the glass Christmas ornaments off of the tree. Another time I came home and found him outside waiting after he had jumped through a closed window to try and find me. Bowz has had his fair share of vet bills... and probably fifteen other dogs share too!! Of course all of the eating caused stomach problems so Bowser got to take a special medication that they gave astronauts, another small fortune. Thankfully, that only lasted a few years.
There is so much more to the story of how we came to be where we are now. Twice in about a year, I have tried to cope with the possible loss of my best friend and companion for 10 years. I've spent days at a time completely distraught, with tears in my eyes and not a dime in my pocket because of surgeries and vet bills. I've tried to come to terms with the fact that one day my trusted confidant will no longer be waiting to catch my tears in his stinky fur or to rip open my side from where he jumps up to hug me when I come home. He's getting old and it's obvious from the Oklahoma smile when he looks at me with 3 bottom teeth missing. It's painfully obvious when I see him struggle to walk up the deck stairs because he is in pain or sick again, and it's happening more and more often.
How do you say good bye to something that means so much to you? How do you try and come to terms with the fact that someday you will come home to an empty house, an intact squeaky or an empty water dish? Most importantly, just how long should you take to say good bye? I've decided that I will begin now. Maybe we will have another year of good bye's or maybe another 5 but I want to make sure that this guy knows just how much I love him. I want him to feel the love and gratitude that he has given me, the trust that he will always be able to count on me to be there when he needs me. I want to give him the reason to live, just like he did for me. I can't promise him the world but I am sure as hell going to try and give it to him. He deserves that and more.
It's not often in your life that you have the chance to find true and undying love. Sometimes you find it in another person and sometimes, the first place you find it is in the eyes of a dog. They will never be too ashamed to walk beside you, in fact, they are honored. They will always be happy that you are home, even if they did get into the trash and they are hiding unsuccessfully under the living room table. They will always make you laugh no matter the cost and they can do it so effortlessly. You will smile often and it will be the kind that reaches your eyes and sets a spark off in all of those around you. Dogs aren't just happiness for you, they force the joy to spread from person to person. It's like an amazing STD that you want to catch!
Bowser, you have changed my life and the life of my kids. You aren't a dog to us. You are my best friend, my child, my children's "brother" and my friend's favorite pal. You give me a reason to wake up every morning and curse at how early it is while you sit and wag your tail like it's the best morning ever. You make me laugh when you give me that "toothless wonder" look or when you start running around the house bouncing off of furniture and banking off the walls like a Nascar driver. You've taught me responsibility, understanding, faith and compassion. You've shown me and the kids that it's best to forgive and live happy than to carry around anger every day. You have shown me that life has it's cycles and it's seasons and that you have to love what you have while you have it and that you don't have forever to do that. You have caught so many tears that I think we could supply our own river at the rainbow bridge.
Thank you for 10 years and counting of love, faith, strength, courage, understanding and trust in me. I won't let you down. I hope that when the time comes and you leave me that I have been able to reflect back to you all that you have given me and that I will be able to share that love with another mangy truck stop mutt, hopeful for a home. I know the pain will be too much to bare and I will not be ready so I am practicing my "so long Bowz" every day until I can get it right. I'll know I have it right when the time comes and I am on my final path home and you are at the rainbow bridge waiting for me. Of everyone I will be anxious to see, it will be you that I need to guide me. I love you forever.
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