I'd Rather Call My Mom's Vagina My Hometown

Today my BFF and bad-ass assistant told me that she would only be in for half a day this Friday because she wants to go to homecoming at Lawson.  Of course my response was "Eww".  She doesn't seem to get why I am totally mortified when I think of that place, so I thought maybe I would re-visit it.  This should be fun and hopefully therapeutic, but probably not.

REASON'S WHY LAWSON CAN SUCK IT

• I moved there from Excelsior Springs (bigger hell-hole), partially through kindergarten.  My first memorable experience is memorable because my mother tells me and everyone else the story constantly... apparently in Kindergarten and First Grade I was insistent on wearing dresses but I was a "tom-boy".  Not a good combination when I would hang upside down on the monkey bars every day and they would call my mom, every day and tell her to bring me panties.  Yeah, I didn't wear underwear.  Big deal.  After a while my mom stopped letting me wear dresses or skirts to school so I just started sneaking them in my backpack and changing when I got to school.  I was a crafty kiddo.  A crafty kiddo without underwear.  Lawson can "suck it" because most students in grades around me probably saw my cooter.
• In third grade I decided that Halloween was as good a time as any to take my step-dad's smut magazine full of perverted Adult costumes for my favorite holiday.  My teacher did not think it was such a good idea and after the school program I got to tell my mom what I did.  I didn't see anything wrong with it.  Lawson can "suck it" because the other day I ran into my old principal while my best friend's mom was in the hospital and I hoped and prayed she didn't remember me and the pecker costumes.
• It starts going down hill from third grade.  I will jump to 7th grade.  That was a hell of a year.  I had the joy of sharing the volleyball MVP award with my best friend, Tabitha and I had it captured forever with a photo of me with short poodle hair.  My worst hair year, yet.  7th had a lot going on and I got to know what bullies are.  I'm not going to name names because those pieces of crap know who they are... but I had the joy of dealing with two sisters who were bitches and their mom drove the school bus.  These two thought they were above the rules and totally cool.  I dreaded getting on the bus every day because I knew that they would do or say something terrible.  My most memorable experiences of them were when they tied my shoelaces together while I sat on the seat in front of them.  When I went to get off the bus, I tripped and fell and smashed my face on the floor.  After numerous problems their mom finally punished them when they painted my new shoes with nail polish.  She painted them with nail polish.  The kids on the bus were completely terrible and made fun of everything about me.
• 8th grade was even worse.  By now the kids were a hell of a lot meaner and more sinister in their thinking.  My 8th and 9th grade year people from Lawson and fellow class mates burned my house on three separate occasions, with the last making me lose everything I owned.  
• Another time they took two of my stallions (I raised and showed horses) and locked them together in an 8x10 stall and let the horses proceed to try and kill each other.  That resulted in thousands in vet bills and a very expensive horse that eventually died. 
•  Then there were the gun shots that would go off in my pasture in the middle of the night and I would wonder what thing of mine they were shooting.
•   Once, someone killed one of my puppies and put it under my car so I would think I ran over it.  It was obvious that someone had killed it and it sat there for a long time. 
•  Another one of my dog's got shot in the face.  They blew the entire side of her face off and blew out all of her teeth.  She managed to crawl to the front porch where I found her and that resulted in thousands more in vet bills from where her face was reconstructed and they did graphs from parts of her body to repair and make her a partial face.  
• My favorite dog Spot was poisoned with Anti-Freeze.  I found him frozen to the ground one winter morning.  Many other dogs of mine met the same fate through the years.
• And one of the worst memories, even worse than the fires, was when I was driving to school and I saw one of  my dogs bodies in the weeds next to the old barn by the road.  I stopped because I knew something was wrong and when I walked up to her, she was decapitated and her head was missing.  When I got home from school her head was on my doorstep.  I will never get over this, ever.  Of everything that has ever happened to me, this was one of the worst.  I still have dreams where I call for her and she never comes.
• On one of my last occasions in that terrible place, I was driving my boyfriend and a few of his friends back to my house for a camp fire.  While we were in town someone warned me that people were out looking for us because they had a beef with one of the people in my truck.  The "beef" was forced into the open when I turned on the gravel road to my house and was immediately boxed in by about 10-15 guys from Lawson.  They had baseball bats and crowbars and proceeded to begin smashing my mom's truck.  After busting out all the lights, tail lights and the windshield, they moved on to one of my friends that was in the back of the truck and started hitting him in the head with their baseball bat's.

Many more terrible things happened in that place and I never want to go back.  Last year I drove to Lawson for a softball game to fill a spot on her team.  She always gives me shit because I never go see her and I always make excuses why I can't go there.  I hope by this blog she will see how so many people there were to me and why I can't go back without my stomach in my throat and tears staining my cheeks.

I guess even more than that, I want people that read this to realize what kind of person I am.  They tormented and ridiculed me and those were just a few things I could think of off the top of my head.  They made themselves and their torment a part of my every day life for eternity.  And while it's so hard for me to remember how I felt then, I do know how I feel now.  I feel pity for them.  Maybe I wasn't the prettiest or the smartest, maybe I lived in a trashy house with 2 people that were known in town for not paying their bills, maybe we had fifteen million animals because I always drug every stray home, maybe sometimes I smelled because my mom couldn't keep house and maybe I was a terrible liar just trying to get someone to accept me.  Or maybe I was a human that deserved better treatment then I got.  I was always and will still remain, the first to give a second chance, the first to forgive but the last to forget.  I will remember the horrible things you do to me and the times when you break my heart and damage my soul.  But most of all, I will remember that I am not you and I never want to be anything like you.  I will accept your Myspace or Facebook friend request and I will post a blog for you to see, to remind you of what you made me become.  While you thought I was a weak little freak, I was strong.  Far stronger than you.  And you gave me greater strength than I could have ever obtained on my own.  Thank you all for showing me that I can conquer anything that comes my way, no matter how difficult it seems at the time.  And in the end, I know I will succeed because you failed at being a human being and you can "suck it".

For all of you who have ever had to deal with the harassment, the name calling and the abuse.  I stand with you and I apologize for all the assholes out there from your "hometown" and I remind you of the saying that "Home is where the heart is".  If your heart is in a good place, so is your home.  Remember that always.  Your home is strong and can withstand anything with some maintenance and some stability.  Maintain your composure and take a stand.